themindofsmm

The views of a girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, single woman, sister, daughter, friend, bystander and last but not least Woman of God

Not letting go! Is it holding you back?

Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.
Proverbs 4:25-27 NIV

Lately I have been learning to let go. Seriously that’s an serious issue and I am not ashamed to say I struggled with it. I say struggled because I am leaving it at the altar so I will struggle no more. Lol.

My issue was not accepting relationships including friendships have come to the end of its life. I don’t know whether I was afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings or I was just really hopeful..

Have you ever been in a relationship and God has been you signs directly and through people and you just don’t want to let go. The person is going left and God wants you to go right. When decide to hold on and keep going the direction away from God. Distraction, heartache and all sorts of drama. That was me. I held on to some relationships and friendships that meant me no good. I guess I was hopeful that things would change for the better.

Then one day you have to wake up and realise that being focused is important. I need to fix my gaze on what’s before me. One of things about holding on to what’s not for you is that we lose sight of who we are. Sometimes our passion start to die and we become miserable and bitter.

We are afraid to let go because we are not trusting God. So let’s trust God and let go of these relationships and friendships that are not healthy. The devil likes to see us miserable and he likes to see us hold on to false hope this king that God is telling us to hold on and endure all sorts of heartache.

Remember if we trust God he will point in the right direction after we have let go of those relationships and friendships.

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New Year! New Adventures!

So one of the commitments I made to myself in entering 2016, is to learn more about this beautiful island of Jamaica which I call home. There is no way a tourist should be the one telling me about this beautiful place.

So my first adventure took me to one of my favourite parishes. According to Wikipedia,  Portland, with its capital town Port Antonio, is a parish located on Jamaica‘s northeast coast. It is situated to the north of St Thomas and to the east of St Mary in Surrey County. It is one of the rural areas of Jamaica and is known for its great beaches.

Now the map i have attached shows the car route which is a little over 2 hours. Now I took adventure to another level and decided to take the bus. If you are familiar with me, you will know my 8:30 is not always 8:30. Ended up leaving home after 9 thinking I will get there by 11:30 or midday as mom had told me. Well I got to HWT in a quicker time than normal which is good so I am thinking this is a good sign. Oh was I in for a surprise. So I got to the bus stop where the Portland buses are parked. So I get to the bus stop and I ask a man that is in a blue uniform which Drivers would wear. He asked if I was going to Port Antonio and I nodded and he opened the bus door.

Now what I am accustomed to is a bus being actively loaded, however this was not the case and I was going crazy in my mind. About 30 minutes later after an education about Rastafarian diet and a myriad of topics being discussed by the conductor and a vendor the bus was finally being loaded. Slowly but surely the bus started to fill up (two white girls came on the bus too, so you know the song was playing in my mind). Finally at mins to 11 the bus was ready to go. In the midst of all of this the steward in me offered to give a lady my seat and I sat beside the driver (OMG mi poor back).

At minutes to 2 I was finally in Port Antonio. Now to figure out where to get a taxi heading to Boston. Those are the taxis that passes the beach. Finally I figured out where to get the taxi. Initially my intention was to go to SAN SAN Beach, but God had a different plan. I ended up at Frenchman’s Cove and I surely didn’t mind.

The beach wasn’t pack and I was happy. Lifeguard got me a spot near the river side and under the tree. The beauty about French Man’s cove is that a river runs into the beach and it also cools the water because as you know the water at the beach is normally warm. Lifeguard told me the water was freezing and I was hesitant. Eventually I went in the water and it wasn’t as cold as I was told.

So I am enjoying the water even though I have a cold and I decide that I would take a full dip to see if the cold would run out. LOL well I am about to submerge and the front of my hair is about to get up and I jump out the water because I remember my front tracks were glued in. LOL this false hair thing isn’t for me at all.

Anyway it’s 4 pm so I have to start wrapping up because I have a long way to go. Started having a conversation with the lifeguard who assisted me. It is so amazing how differently people treat you when you visit different places. Some instances they are very respectful and other instances they aren’t. I can safely say the staff at Frenchman’s Cove are very respectful.

So I walk out to the main to get a taxi since that’s what I took to get to the beach. Everything that passed was full and a bus passed and I didn’t take it. Once again two more white girls. They stopped everything and in my mind I was like Lord are they crazy. So I see another bus pass and it says Morant Bay to Annotto Bay. In my thinking I figure the bus must past through Port Antonio, so the next one came I jumped on it. Came off Port Antonio just to hear I missed the bus back to Kingston. So I was told to take a bus to Annotto Bay and then I will get something to Kingston with ease. Now I was not amused because I just came off a bus going the same direction. Boarded a bus and once again it took forever to load.

Getting to Annotto Bay felt like such a long Journey. Finally I get to Annotto Bay and I was like ok where are the buses and taxis to kgn. Apparently the driver just knew I was a Local Tourist and he said if I was going to KGN. Now I get on a taxi and OMG that was quite a drive. I never knew they drove so fast and hard. My poor heart. Driver realised I was uncomfortable and started to make conversation. I was still traumatised by the drive even though he was talking to me.

Finally in Kingston and thank God. Definitely can;t wait for my next excursion.

So what I take from this is never limit yourself from exploring because you don’t have a car. There are other options. Never be afraid to explore the world alone if friends cancel at the last minute. Be polite to everyone you encounter especially men because not all of them are out to look you.

 

Cheers to more new adventures. With God as my guide there are so much things I can conquer. 2016 are your ready for me?

 

Blessings! Look out for the next adventure…… 

 

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My First Sermon: Love is a big deal

A lot has happened since I last wrote something here. Let me start with my biggest task to date. So I was invited by a pastor to preach at his church. Now I gave him every excuse in the book until I ran out of excuses. Eventually I said Rev please  give me at least 3 months notice and he said good you are preaching on December 20. No I have never preached before nor do I know my bible by the back of my hand. the thing is I will research and prepare but I was terrified that maybe I would misinterpret something.

So in the midst of preparing and racking my brain I was asked by a deacon at church to write a reflection for the Advent meditation my church publishes every year. Now in my 15 years of being a member at my church there are many things I have never been asked to do. Then I remembered I asked God to use me and I also remembered a  verse I fell in love with sometime ago. 2 Timothy 1: 7 says “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.” So with that in mind I started reflecting on the verse given for my reflection as well as prepare my sermon in the midst of all this I am facing hell at work.

All I could think of is the topic love, eventually I decided to do my sermon on 1 John 4:7-21. First draft done and I read to one of my pastoral mentors, omg he made me regret accepting the request to preach. Giving up wasn’t an option and I knew I had a message to share. Well I gave the sermon a break because things started to get a bit much at work and I was back on campus amongst the several things happening. So we are in December and there was some new developments in my personal life as well as my professional life. In a nutshell I decided to resign my job. Now with all this time on my hands plus I registered my business I could reflect and draw even closer to God.

So started over the sermon while I was off the island and I had a wave of inspiration. Thank God!!!!

So I returned to Jamaica with my sermon and all I could think about living the sermon. It’s funny people who advised me told me not to make the sermon personal, but how was I supposed to reach persons if I didn’t share that the same Love we are to demonstrate I struggle to do as well. After all nobody is perfect. So the day is drawing closer and why am I not nervous. No man something must be wrong, but this isn’t the first time I have experienced this sense of calm. Temptation came two days before the sermon and I stood firm. Listen this is big, trust me it is and all I could do is just lie on my bed and kick up my foot and say God that was close, but thank you for the strength.

December 20 th is here. So the church is small but that’s ok because it is my first time and I don’t need to preach at big church yet. I remember as I went up to the podium I started my prayer with “there is none like you Lord and you deserve the Glory” Man I was ready to obey and deliver. Here is mu sermon below, but please note that naturally n the day it was a little more natural and tweaked.

LOVE IS A BIG DEAL!!!!

Focus Verse: 1 John 4:7-21

 

I am asking each person to make a list of the things they dislike about persons they live, work and serve with. So you can place them in the following categories: home, work and church.

 

I am sure these lists can either be very long or very short. Some of may also be one someone else’s list too. With all these things that we dislike about these persons DO YOU THINK GOD LOVES THEM? DO YOU LOVE THEM? What about the things we dislike about ourselves and what others dislike, DO WE THINK GOD STILL LOVES US?

When we think about love there are so many definitions that come to mind such as “learned response……learned emotion”.

Even the TV definition which says “love is a feeling you feel when you feel you are feeling a feeling you feel you’ve never felt before.” That I am sure sounds like total confusion.

In 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 some amazing characteristics of love. As some of sit and start to repeat that verse let us take a journey into the year which is about to end. Think about how we have acted and let us make a check list from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. On this journey we will examine our behaviours and determine how many of these characteristics of love have we embodied.

  1. Love is patient
  2. Love is kind
  3. It does not envy
  4. It does not boast
  5. It is not proud
  6. It is rude
  7. It is not self-seeking
  8. It is not easily angered
  9. It keeps no records of wrongs
  10. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
  11. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.
  12. It never fails

So have we embodied all of these characteristics throughout the year or are we still a work in progress and intend to make an extra effort where these characteristics are concerned.

 

As we look keenly at the text that was read earlier from 1 john 4 we find a simple but profound statement which says GOD IS LOVE. So God doesn’t merely love; he is love. This also means that everything God does flows from his love.

 

How can we transfer this into our daily lives? Well we already know that God is love and we know his love is unfailing. What about our love for him? Does it exist?  Do we accept or reject God’s love?

 

God alone is the source of love (1 John 4:7-8 ); he “poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” (Rom 5:5 ). God’s love then awakens a response in those who accept it. God loves through believers, who act as channels for his love; they are branches who must abide in the vine if they are to have that love (John 15:1-11 ). We have the assurance that we have passed from death to life because we love others (1 John 3:14 ).

 

Once we have received God’s love, we are now CALLED TO LOVE. We are reminded to LOVE OUR NEIGHBOURS AS OURSELVES. This also includes those who have wronged us. I know it is not easy to love those who have wronged us; I too struggle with that from time to time. I am constantly reminded that LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS, this means when we forgive we should not have the person in our hearts nor shall we be plotting revenge.

 

It is difficult for us to love others because we let our feelings get in the way. Our feeling wil steer us in the wrong direction. We must choose to love. We must submit our feelings to the foot of the cross….and leave them there! We must choose to love our “enemies”. We must choose to love those who have wronged us, yes even those on the list we made earlier.

 

LOVE IS A CHOICE THAT WE MUST MAKE EACH DAY

 

Let go of those unrealistic expectations we have of our loved ones. Look past things you dislike and love them the way they are.

 

We are called to love…..and god love us the way we are!

It will not be easy but we must commit to showing love the same way god love us.

 

As we sing the closing hymn I invite us to think about the words in the chorus. Jesus brought love for everyone.

Will you choose to love no matter what?

Yes that was the sermon and would you believe I was complimented that I came at the right time. Apparently things were happening and that sermon was needed. Well Lord I did it an I am excited for the next opportunity to preach.

Lots more to share. Many more blogs to come. Happy New Year!!

 

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The Healing Process

I think your healing process depends on the depth of the relationship as well as who you are as a person. What I have learnt that some people refused to be healed. They hold on to the past and they stop life itself. I had an experience with someone who didn’t heal properly. It was an unfortunate event, because I invested so much into the relationship, just to realise that about 6 months into the relationship things started to become stagnant and sour. He stopped talking, we weren’t spending time with each other. He spent more time with another female friend with the explanation that he wasn’t obligated to her so he didn’t have to face certain issues. When since running away from issues became the best solution? Anyway eventually he pointed out that he didn’t heal from his last relationship. It came as a huge blow because, I really though he could have realised that before the relationship started to get serious and I had already let down my wall.

After that went down I was bitter and filled with rage. I had my breaking points when I threw jabs with a song or a status. I just couldn’t understand why me and why now. After awhile I started to simmer but I was still hurting. My healing process started. I got rid of most memory triggers, especially the painful ones. I started to read more and do more of things that were good for me as a newly single person. I had support from friends, but I also noticed friends can be dangerous in the healing process. Some friends helped to fuelling your rage by brining up stuff that I was blind to at the time and some kept asking questions just made you hurt more. There were also the friends who felt that you needed to talk about it and say how you felt and get out of your system over some wine *smile*. That worked and it helped me to look at things not only from my perspective but his.

I know now that everybody deals with break ups differently. Not everybody is equipped to go through the healing process. Some persons suppress their hurt and never deal with until something happens and the self-destruct. As much as you are not a talker there must be a way to communicate whether it is through a blog or through a close friend/confidant. I am a talker but I have to deal with certain things alone before I can open up to anybody about how I felt. This blog was a long time coming but I dint think I was ready to write anything. People tend cling to the old and avoid change. Unfortunately, it is also a self-defeating and soul-destroying habit, and completely inessential.

The trickiest part of the healing process for some people is whether to hate the person or be tolerant and civil. Initially I was filled with hate but then I knew deep down hate wasn’t part of me and I was a friend before we became a couple. I can tolerate right now and offer my support. One thing I am sure of is that I am healing. Memory triggers are there to just remind me where I am coming from and to reassure me that I have learnt and that I can overcome any heartbreak.

To my ex I say to you I forgive you but I will never forget, but you must realise a long, painful recovery can create long-lasting negative consequences in life, lack of interest in things that you love to do, lost of income depression, weight problems, and many more. To everyone out there if you intend to heal you need pull on strength and courage. You can’t waste precious time to dwell on the past. Personally I know I will get the love I truly deserve. I know my partner is already on the way. You need to realise that the more you suffer and prolong your healing, the more you will delay his or her arrival.

I have excepted that every break up that I have experienced is for my own good. Have you? Its better to realise that sooner that later to be honest.

For those who think this break up is the end of their world, I leave this quote with you: “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.”

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Friends: Seasons vs Lifetime

Everyday it rings in the back of my head that you have some people who will be your friends for a season and some for a lifetime. This year I have seen many seasons come to an end. One in particular ended many years ago and I guess I had lifetime expectations with regards to that season and ended up being disappointed. Oh well you live and you learn.

Well that incident taught me several things about friendships and when they should end. For me those seasonal friends came into my life and tore me down. All they did was taken from the friendship and gave me nothing. Well come to think of it they gave me wisdom. I have learnt how to deal with those type of friends now and not to keep them around for long.

Madea made a great point in a Movie where she said people are like a tree. There are some who are like leaves, the blow away and when the season changes they dry up and wither. There where the ones who were like branches, they look sturdy but when you step out on them they break from underneath you and leave you hanging or send you crashing. Finally there are the ones who are like roots, they are firmly planted in the ground and are also the support to the tree. Also there are some leaves that try to grow into something meaningful and can be kept around.

Right now I am having a battle with those friends that have been there for so long and are becoming like a leave. Is it a season in their life that has made them that way or is that it took a while for their true identity to come out or they were always like that but I get older I see them for who they truly are. They start to use you more and abuse the friendship.

The more I think of it I wonder does loyalty last forever or does it have an expiration date. More and more I believe it has an expiration date just like some friendships. Once the loyalty has gone through the door I am not sure if the friendship still makes sense.

I always want to be a lifetime friend, at times I fall short but I try not to. I have also questioned why am I friends with certain people, a voice in my head will say you are friends with some people for a reason. That’s so true!!!!!! So I have to wonder, if I am your friend what’s the reason for having me as a friend? Is it use and abuse me and remember our friendship at your convenience.

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Single and Satisfied or Single and Distressed

I have some people on my Facebook that every time they are with a new boo you know, because they are either professing their love or putting up pics of them kissing and being all cozy. Now when you check it out these persons have like 3-6 different partners within a year.  So it brings me to think “Why is it so hard for some people to stay single?”

Personally I enjoy being single whenever I am single and also enjoy the joys of a relationship when in one. Is there a time frame for being single? No, but I am off the belief that you need time “do you” as well as enjoy your own company. Recently a friend of mine invited me out on a double date and I declined the invite. She went on to tell me that companionship is good. Honestly, I dont recall walking and kicking stones or sighing every other minute because  I am single. Companionship is good but there is a time and season for everything. I have been single for 2 months and I am loving it. There is nothing wrong with dating as a single person, as long as you state your intentions and wishes from the get go.

Let’s explore this status called “single”. It is the state of not having a significant other. So there are no commitments to anyone. Many singles embrace their single-hood. Being single is not a burden but rather an opportunity to live with an individual frame of mind. The need to find love all depends on where you stand mentally and emotionally.

As a single person, I have experienced the “singlehood” at its highs and lows. I can recall many stories from friends  of their perspectives of being single.From that I decided to think of the advantages of being single. Here is what I came up with:

Advantages 

1. You can flirt as you please

2. You can be your own boss

3. You can focus on your career

4. You can be spontaneous

5. You don’t have to deal with another’s personal habits

6. You have more time for activities

7. You can appreciate your independence

8. You don’t have to tolerate moodiness & nagging

9. No emotional roller coaster rides

10. Being able to become aware of who you are.

I have come to realise that a lot of the persons who can’t stay single don’t know how to love themselves and in turn they can’t express love. In today’s world we place too much importance on finding a mate, something your hormones are quick to enforce. Being single is only a problem if you let it become a problem. The problem isn’t being single, it’s the negative views we place on being single. Another thing I have realised that to enjoy “singlehood” you posses strong self-confidence. We need to realise that we can be happy even when single and it doesn’t mean loneliness. Being single doesn’t mean you can’t find anyone or something is wrong with you. Don’t let anyone tell you that being single is unacceptable.

I love being single while I am single. I am happy and I get the opportunity to discover new things and as I stated before I am a lot more aware of who I am. Self-discovery can be a grand experience when single. I mean self-discovery in all areas. 🙂

So I leave you with this exercise:

a. What advantages can you find in being single?

b. What things can you do now as a single that you may no longer be able to do (or do as often) if you were in a relationship?

c. What things would you have to do in a relationship that you don’t have to do now as a single?

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